Key ideas
Life is pervaded by a unity of opposites: right and left, dark and light, masculine and feminine. Maintaining balance means respecting the value of each side. Ignoring the balance means allowing toxic energy to fester and impair the system.
- It’s not hard to see that political divisiveness is getting pretty ugly. People on the “right” say the “left” has lost its mind. And vice versa. This simplistic view reduces the “other” to a caricature of a real person. However, we are all far more complex and malleable than these simple binaries.
- The divide between the “right” and the “left” offers an example of what Taoism calls the “unity of opposites.” There is no right without left, no conservative without progressive, no up without down, no light without heavy, and no dark without light.
- The most recognized symbol of Taoism, the yin and yang, embodies this idea. The dark and light interact and flow together in a cosmic balance. Within each swirl is a drop of the opposite. The dark contains a drop of light; within the light, a drop of dark.
- This dynamic has nothing to do with either side being “right or wrong” or “good or bad.” Too much of anything can be harmful. Practicing the unity of opposites means finding ways of maintaining respect for the value of each side. Not condoning the worst, but seeking common ground where it can be found.
Transcript
Let’s start with the elephant in the room: political divisiveness is getting pretty ugly. We’ve been marching at a fever pitch over the past few years towards increasing division. In many circles on either side of the political spectrum, the other side is seen as a lost cause. People on the “right” say the “left” has lost its mind. People on the “left” say the “right” has lost its mind.
I’m going to take a risk on this one because what I’m about to say might be considered heresy — I’m going to take a moderate view for a moment. Moderate is the new extreme in these divided times.
Whenever we find ourselves talking about the “right” or the “left” as an anthropomorphized thing with a unified mind… well, we might very well have temporarily lost our minds. The point being: when every argument goes directly to the most extreme views of the other side, seeing them as some monolithic “thing,” we’re probably missing something.
Regardless of where we stand on the particular circus of the day, we are more than the sum of our political beliefs. We are all far more complex and malleable than the simple binaries of right and left. So whether we’re talking about the political divide or just disagreement within a team, cultivating an ability to see the other side as reasonable people worthy of our respect is a worthwhile endeavor.
This is the third episode in a series looking at dealing with people. In this episode, I’ll explore an idea from Taoism on what is described as the “unity of opposites.” In times like these, when the “opposite” side makes your blood boil, these perspectives might be hard to take in. But with high-stakes situations like, well, saving our democracy or mitigating climate change, we need to find better ways of getting along. I think these insights from Taoism can help us do that.
The second verse of the Tao Te Ching introduces the unity of opposites:
When people see some things as beautiful,
other things become ugly.
When people see some things as good,
other things become bad.
Being and non-being create each other.
Difficult and easy support each other.
Long and short define each other.
High and low depend on each other.
Before and after follow each other.
Therefore the Master
acts without doing anything
and teaches without saying anything.
Things arise and she lets them come;
things disappear and she lets them go.
She has but doesn’t possess,
acts but doesn’t expect.
When her work is done, she forgets it.
That is why it lasts forever.
These kinds of unified opposites recur throughout Taoist teachings. In fact, the most recognized symbol of Taoism, the yin and yang, embodies this idea. The dark and light interact and flow together in a — dare I say it — “cosmic balance.” Within each swirl is a drop of the opposite. The dark contains a drop of light; within the light, a drop of dark. Honestly, it’s one of the most brilliant icons ever created, capturing such depth of symbolism in just a few lines.
The yin and yang pervade our experience. We can see this unity in effect when thinking of feminine and masculine. Or conservative and innovative. Or even friends and enemies. We cannot have one without the other. As verse 2 of the Tao Te Ching described, the two support and define each other. Further, just like the yin and yang, no one is purely masculine or purely feminine. Each of us has aspects of both qualities.
Problems arise when the balanced interaction between the two opposites goes out of whack. Too much of one aspect is pathological. The worst behavior arises when the unity is broken, and one or both sides go too far. For example, too much masculinity creates toxic masculinity. And although we don’t hear of it as much, the opposite is also true, as too much femininity is likewise toxic — albeit in very different ways. This dynamic has nothing to do with either side being “right or wrong” or “good or bad.” Too much of anything can be harmful. Even water can be toxic to the body if you drink too much.
Maintaining balance means respecting the energy and contributions of each side. Ignoring the balance means allowing toxic energy to fester and impair the system.
Using political divisiveness as an example, what happens when we let these divides between “right and left” continue to grow? What will be the effect of persisting with finger-pointing and blaming and demonizing? Even if the “other side” is, in fact, wrong, what will be the result of constantly shouting at them that they’re wrong? Will they change? Seems highly unlikely. More likely is that the divide only grows larger, the wounds grow deeper, and toxic energy taints the system.
While closing these divides and reestablishing healthy dialogue and interaction between the political right and left is not easy, what is the alternative? Let the divisions tear apart the fabric of society? Seems worth making some effort to heal the balance.
And it’s not just political divisions. The unity of opposites applies to large-scale social issues and daily challenges alike. We can use these principles in our interactions in life and work. Whenever we find ourselves in a debate with two opposing sides digging in their heels, there is an opportunity to practice the unity of opposites. Can you see any of the behavior of the other side in yourself? Can you see any of your own values in the other side?
Now it’s important to note that recognizing the value of the “other side” doesn’t mean condoning the worst behavior of that group. Clearly, some behavior is indeed unacceptable. But not everyone from that group is as bad as the worst example. Unfortunately, that’s usually where our minds go when we think of a group we don’t like. Practicing the unity of opposites means finding ways of maintaining dialogue with those willing to do so. There are always reasonable people that can be reached on any side.
Psychologist Adam Grant’s new book, Think Again, points to this kind of approach. He points out that much of our conflict is “relationship conflict,” where we quickly devolve into taking things personally, exchanging back and forth insults, and so forth. Instead, if we focus on what he calls “task conflict,” where we test the merits of each side, we can stimulate better ideas.
We can strive to find common ground through values and principles rather than keep digging heels into positions. For example, everyone wants to be safe and make decisions for their own welfare and well-being. We might disagree on the biggest threats to our safety or the best solutions for ensuring safety. But we can surely agree to this mutual desire.
Many of us prize diversity, seeing the merits of having many different cultures and subcultures contributing to a vibrant tapestry of human life. The Taoist view on the unity of opposites would also encourage us to seek a diversity of ideas — welcoming the opportunity to blend and flow with people whose beliefs differ from ours.
Well, that’s all for now. Join me again next week as I continue this series on dealing with people. I’ll look at some ideas from Stoicism that can help us handle even the prickliest people out there.
If you find this podcast interesting, please leave me a review; it really helps. Feel free to subscribe for more episodes. And please share this podcast with a friend if you think it will be helpful to someone. Until the next time, be well!
References
In this episode, I quoted the Stephen Mitchell translation of the Tao Te Ching, which is an excellent introduction to this profound text. It’s more recent than many translations and presents the Tao with a modern voice.
Podcast soundtrack credit:
Our Story Begins Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/